My Own Personal Rockstar by Kirsty McManus

Author:Kirsty McManus [McManus, Kirsty]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2021-01-12T05:00:00+00:00

EIGHTEEN

Lincoln

I don’t know what made me drive over to Tash’s house and invite myself to stay for dinner, but I’m glad I did. It was the most normal I’d felt in weeks. Tash has such a sweet and understanding nature, I can’t help but be drawn in.

And the more I spend time with her, the more I like her. She manages to make single parenting look easy. And Daisy is the most adorable child outside of my own girls. I really enjoyed both their company.

I had to leave quickly at the end of the movie because I was worried I would say or do something stupid. I have so many weird emotions running through my brain, and no way to process them.

How can I want to kiss Tash when I still love Rachel? Would Tash just be a rebound? I was with Rachel for so long that I don’t know what would normally happen next. What is the right amount of time to take before moving on? If I asked Tash out in the near future, would I be sabotaging a chance for something real between us later?

And then there’s the question of whether Tash even has feelings for me. She turned me down last night, and rightly so, but was it only because I’d been drinking? She’s a successful and confident woman. What would she want with an ex-reality-TV contestant who just had his family abandon him?

I wander around my empty house; the silence illustrating how depressing my life is right now. It feels wrong not to have the girls asleep in their bedroom and Rachel curled up on the couch nearby.

As soon as this tour is over, I’m flying to the UK. I don’t care if I have to spend all my money on travel and hiring a private detective; I would do anything to see the girls again.

I kick off my shoes, get myself a beer out of the fridge, and flop down in front of the TV. I hate sleeping in my bed alone and have been crashing on the couch instead. Late-night infomercials have been keeping me company.

Jeez. My life is pathetic.

***

I have five days before the tour continues, and I am not looking forward to them. Five days to dwell on the absence of my children and the continued feelings of betrayal from Rachel.

While I don’t need the money, I ask my friend Eli if I can do a few extra shifts at his coffee shop. As it turns out, one of his regular employees is sick, so he takes me up on the offer. It’s a little boutique place on Elizabeth Street, and for some reason, no one seems to notice who I am when I’m there. Not that it bothers me if people judge. Just because I was on TV and perform in the entertainment industry doesn’t make me any more special than people who work in hospitality. In fact, hospitality is harder. The pay should be better than what it is.

I spend Monday and Tuesday lost in the mindlessness of making coffee and wiping down tables.

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